A prince was put under a spell...
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year.
If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.
One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady.
He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.”
But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years.
At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years.
Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, on Valentines Day, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said:
“My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?”
And the lady said,:
“Pardon?”
Hubbies present
A woman was taking a nap on Valentine’s Day afternoon.
After she awoke, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a gorgeous and expensive diamond necklace for Valentine’s Day!
What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight,” he smiled and answered.
That evening, her husband came home with a small package for her.
Thrilled, she opened it and found a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams!”
Trivia About Valentine Kissing:
The science of kissing is called philematology
Lips are 100 times more sensitive than the tips of the fingers
A real kiss may quicken the pulse to 100 beats in a minuteA French kiss moves about 29 muscles in the faceOne little kiss burns up to 3 calories. The longer the kiss: the better the exerciseThe world's longest kiss took place in New York City, lasting 30 hours, 59 minutes, and 27 secondsIt is thought that men who kiss their wives every morning before going to work live 5 years longer than men who don't70% of people aged 16 to 24 years had their first kiss by the age 15, whereas only 46% of their parents had kissed by the same ageCouples may transfer an average of 9 milligrams of water, 0.7 milligrams of protein, 0.18 milligrams of organic matter, 0.71 milligrams of fat and 0.45 milligrams of salt to each other with each open-mouthed kissIt is said that an average woman kisses about 329 men before getting marriedA kiss can contain up to 278 of different bacteria, most of which are non-dangerousAn average person spends two weeks of his or her life kissingTwo out of every three couples turn their heads to the right when they kissEskimos, Polynesians and Malaysians rub noses instead of kissingFirst movie kiss was in 1896 when John C Rice kissed May Irwin in the film called 'The Kiss'Kissing helps reduce tooth decay because the extra saliva it creates helps clean out the mouthMore than 4,400 couples arrived together in the streets in Chile for a ten second kiss, this set the world record for the largest number of people kissing simultaneously!
Men, you may think you have a command of the English language, but when it comes to communicating with women, you may be surprised. Here is our dictionary of Womanese. Master these terms and you'll find your relationship with women greatly improved.
The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women
Are you listening to me?Too late, you're dead!
Are you willing to?
This means "You'd better do it!"
Be romantic, turn out the lights!
Be romantic, turn out the lights!
We haven't had a fight in a
while!
Do you love me?
Do you love me?
I'm going to ask for something very expensive!
Don't worry about it, I've got it!
Don't worry about it, I've got it!
he second most dangerous statement a woman can make - It means
that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it
herself! This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's
wrong?"
Fine - I am right!
Fine - I am right!
This argument is over. You need to shut up. (Never use "fine" to
describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of
"those" infamous No-Win arguments!)
Five Minutes
If getting dressed, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.)
If getting dressed, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.)
Go Ahead!
This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)
This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)
Go Ahead (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care!"
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care!"
Go Ahead (Raised Eyebrows)
You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
How much do you love me?
I did something today you're really not going to like!
I don't know, what do you want to do?I did something today you're really not going to like!
I can't believe you
have nothing planned.
I just don't want a boyfriend now!
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.
I just need some space!
I just need some space without you in it!
I just need some space without you in it!
I like you, but...
I don't like you!
I'll be ready in a minute!
I'm ready, but I'm going to make
you wait because I know you will.
I'm just going out with the girls!
We're gonna get sloppy
and make fun of you and your friends.
I'm sorry!
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal
statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks
you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time
standing here arguing with you over "Nothing"!
Maybe
No, pizza's fine!
You cheap slob!
Nothing!
The calm
before the storm. This means "something" and you should be
on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a
woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
"Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five
Minutes" and will end with the word "Fine"
Of course I love you!
Just not in that way.
Oh, no, I'll pay for myself!
I'm just being nice; there's no
way I'm going Dutch.
Please do!
This is not a statement, it is an offer! A woman
is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for
doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth,
so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"!
Soft Sigh
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement.
"Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move
or breathe, and she might stay content.
Thanks!
Thanks!
A woman is
thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're
welcome," and let it go!
Thanks a lot!
This is much different than
"Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is
really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some
callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not
to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you
"Nothing".
That's okay!
This is one of the most dangerous statements
that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to
think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have
done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and
in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead". At some point in the
near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
We need!
I want!
We're moving too quickly!
I'm not going to sleep with you
until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend!
Yeah, sure, let's go out this weekend. Give me a call on Saturday afternoon to confirm the plan!
Quotes from Women on Men:
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work. How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle. How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals." How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part. How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? Two. If you slice them very thinly. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window. What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner? A power failure. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it. How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell. Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions. | What do men and mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion. What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch! What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes. What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys watching a football game. What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer. What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? Sex. What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship? Telling you his real name. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes. What's the best way to kill a man? Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one. What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot's been spotted a several times. What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says..." What's the quickest way to a man's heart? Straight through the rib cage. Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they're all pigs. Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece. Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts. Why do jocks play on artificial turf? To keep them from grazing. Why do little boys whine? Because they are practicing to be men. Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract. Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends. |
From named Ladies...
Doris Ward: "Did you hear about the baby born with organs of both sexes? It had a penis and a brain!"“They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.”
"An empty man is full of himself!"
"A gentleman does things no gentleman should do in a way only a gentleman can!"
"Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks."
Erica Jong: "You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy!"
Maryon Pearson: "Behind every successful man is a surprised woman!"
Margaret Thatcher: "In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman!"
Zsa Zsa Gabor: "I'm a marvellous housekeeper - Every Time I leave a man - I keep his house!"
Dolly Parton: "I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb ... and I also know that I'm not blonde!"
Zsa Zsa Gabor: "I have never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back."
Cynthia Heimel: "All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all the others!"
Rita Mae Brown: "If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses side saddle surely?"
Nicole Hollander: "Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women!"
Lenore Coffee: "When a man of fifty falls in love with a girl of twenty, it isn't her youth he is seeking but his own!"
Lupe Velez: "The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It's the same with men!"
Golda Meir: "Women's Liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It's the men who are discriminated against. They can't bear children. And no one's likely to do anything about that!"
Jean Kerr: "Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, when he can't find any clean socks!"
Zsa Zsa Gabor: "I just want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?"
Anita Wise: "A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is. I don't think it works like that. I think it's the opposite. I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent the men become!"
Clare Booth Luce: "A man's home may be his castle on the outside; inside, it is more often his nursery!"
Yoko Ono: "I wonder why men get serious at all. They have this delicate, long thing hanging outside their bodies which goes up and down by its own will. If I were a man I would always be laughing at myself!"
Sarah Holmes: "When it comes to hiding porn, every man is an MI5 agent!"
Chocolate Waters: "If they can put one man on the moon why can't they put them all there?"
Roseanne Barr: "Men can read maps better than women. 'Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles!"
Ellie Morris: "Guys are like roses. You've got to watch out for the pricks!"
Sue Morse: "Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing!"
Jayne Mansfield: "Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands!"
Rita Rudner: "Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony!"
Quotes from Men on Women:
Mark Twain: "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir .. mighty scarce!"
Friedrich Nietzsche: "Woman was God's second mistake."
James Shubert: “According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars”
Jason Love: "If it can't be fixed by duct tape or WD-40, it's a female problem."
James Shubert: "Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.
If a man alone in the woods speaks, and his wife cannot hear him, is he still wrong?
In the year 1900 Max Planck discovered that the energy of light is quantified.
In 1905 Albert Einstein used Planck's Constant to write the theory of the Photoelectric Effect, that light behaves as a particle when it comes to energy transfer.
Louis de Broglie proposed that particles can have a wave nature and this fact was later verified.
These discoveries led Neils Bohr to propose a radical theory of the atom, which was partially successful in explaining the emission spectra of the hydrogen atom. Neils Bohr was compelled to introduce the Principle of "Complementarity," that light is both a particle and a wave.
The modern theories were extended when Max Born showed that the distribution of energy was a function of probability.
Further, Warner Heisenberg wrote the Principle of Uncertainty, which says that it is impossible to determine the exact location of an electron and the vector direction of its momentum at the same time.
This was followed with the master stroke penned by Erwin Schrodinger - Using the "Psi function" of Quantum Mechanics, Schrodinger could map the "wave field" of any particle, thus giving us a theoretical explanation for the structure of an atom and the entire periodic table of the elements.
The Quantum mechanics predicts that a wave of a single frequency would stretch out to infinite proportions, the superposition of a narrow range of frequencies produces a standing wave function which can be localised to a much more precise location.
Thus the electron and its position within an atom becomes a cloud of probability.
From this I infer that there are such states as being right and being wrong, within certain parameters of uncertainty.
Applying the Psi function, the more vague the statement of the man the greater the probability of him being correct - The narrower and more specific his utterance the greater the likelihood of his being wrong.
Also, the Principle of Complementarity assures us that if a man alone in the woods speaks, and his wife can not hear him, he is BOTH right and wrong until he comes out of the woods.
In the analogy of Schrodinger's Cat, the cat in the box is both dead and alive until someone opens the lid.
The act of observing the phenomenon determines the outcome.
Thus, the inevitable conclusion is that it doesn't matter what the man says only his wife can determine whether or not he is correct!
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