New Diseases Identified

Named Disease:
HAJ (Had-a-job) Syndrome
Symptoms:
Being made redundant through no fault of your own, suicidal feelings, lack of food, and the disappearance of respect.
Most at Risk:
The proletariat, anyone not related to, a banker or a friend of a Politician, the unemployed, the millions of immigrants both legal and otherwise, the impecunious, the uneducated youths of today, and the educated youths of today without rich family connections.
Area's most affected:
The North - Midlands.

Named Disease:
Spooninthegobatbirthness
Symptoms: A snottiness and uncaring attitude develops that cannot be countered. The bank balance and overseas investment accounts increase exponentially.
Most at Risk:
Royalty, Aristocracy, Politicians, Footballers, and the Right Honourable William Hague MP (Conservative) First Secretary of State, Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs.
Area's most affected:
The rich 10% of the population.

Named Disease:
A.A.D.(Alcoholic Addiction Dysrhythmia)
Symptoms:
Finding you have not got any alcoholic addictions, and the concern and worry you get about being so different to everyone else.
Most at Risk:
Those under the age of eight.
Area's most affected:
Nursery schools.

Named Disease:
Monetary Cystitis
Symptoms:
It is extremely painful, nigh on impossible for you to repay money owed by you.
Most at Risk:
Politicians, Dentists, Lawyers, Bankers, Haliburton, and Taxi Drivers.
Area's most affected:
Nationwide.

Named Disease:
Hope Alopecia
Symptoms:
A sudden realisation that all hope is lost, other than for the War Mongers, Politicians, bankers, and Haliburton and other nepotistic clans.
Most at Risk:
Everyone not connected with the above.
Area's most affected:
Anywhere with any businesses still owned and ran by English management, so as you can tell, there are scarce.

Named Disease:
Compassion Deficiency Anemia
Symptoms: You couldn't give a toss about anyone else.
Most at Risk: Most predominant in Parliament, and Lawyers offices, although likley to be found anywhere.
Area's most affected:
Virtually throughout the world.

Named Disease:
Cacospysy (Irregular pulse)
Symptoms:
Panic attacks at Government Budget announcement time.
Most at Risk:
The poor.
Area's most affected:
The North and Midlands of the UK.

Named Disease:
EDD Early Decrepitude disease
Symptoms: Sudden realisation that the poor are getting poorer, and the Rich are getting richer.
Most at Risk:
Those who are poor and getting poorer.
Area's most affected:
Worldwide: In the event that you should feel or find any of the above symptoms coming on, do not consult your Doctor who will be too rich to be bothered to understand your frustrations and problems.
You should consider suicide, alcoholism, hibernation, or becoming a Politician.